Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize