what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
