its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
