somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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