Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
