um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
