you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
