My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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