Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
