I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
