cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
