After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
