I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
