after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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