Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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