I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
