why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
