Yo dont text me then not text me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
