found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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