No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
