i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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