I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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