Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
