you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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