found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
