Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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