last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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