alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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