just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
