I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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