my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
