Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
