She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
