Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
