I got chris browned last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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