Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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