I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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