I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
