I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
