Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
