My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
