the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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