I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
