I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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