legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
