6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
