I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
