At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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