Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
