NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
