im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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