...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
