I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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