I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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