i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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