it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
