yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
