That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
