So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
PANTIES FOUND
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