The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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