words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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