Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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