I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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