I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
