Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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